With me having chemo, I’ve had sometime to think. Thinking can be dangerous to your health! At least, I’ve heard that phrase somewhere. Since, I feel like I’ve been out of the loop of what is going on. I’m not talking about the news. I’m talking about the things that are important to you. What is the consensus of people today? I’ve put together a short survey. Do you dare take it? Will it put you over your stress level?

I titled this blog: How Important is your money because we seem to find it very important. But what about other areas of our lives. Are hobbies important? I think they make life worth living at times. Other time, they are be heavy and almost a burden. How do you feel?

What about cooking? Are we really that interested in foods? Or are you interested becasue we can’t  live without it. I would really like to know what ticks on the inside of you. So I have a challenge for you. Let’s see what interests you and see if you are in the majority or minority. Click here to take this survey.

People are starting to know me as a novelist. I’m surprised to learn how many people want or are trying to become an author of books. It surprises me because it wasn’t my goal to be an author. Before I wrote my first novel, I never ever thought about writing. Instead, I went to great lengths to avoid it.

From what I hear from other authors, I think my story is unique. Most people, I’ve spoken too thought about writing their story a lot. They planned out what they were going to write, the genre, and the outline of how the story unfolded. For me, my story is different. I accidentally discovered a story that was inside of me. Then I couldn’t’ stop it from coming out.

I’ve found people fascinated with this story on how I became an author, So I decided to write about it on my blog, rebuild shattered dreams. Maybe it might inspire someone to discover a hidden talent that they might have been buried deep inside, like me. Sometime, we have no idea what we can do until we have no choice but to walk through our fears and do it. This is what happened to me. I’m so grateful for the experience. It showed a side of me that I didn’t know existed.

Before I tell you my story, I need to point out one more thing. This is important to know. I found writing anything to be emotionally painful. In my book, “How to Rebuild Shattered Dreams,” I go into detail about why a simple note terrified me. Today, I’m going to tell something that I didn’t put in the book. How I was forced to face my fear of writing.

For five years of my life, I had been a real estate agent and enjoyed it. Finally at the end of my fourth year, I decided to get my real estate brokers license. After, I received it. I made the choice to go out on my own. For me, it was the smartest thing, I ever did. What happened next made it possible for me to deal with the changes that were about to take place in my life.

It was November 2000 and for the first time in my career, I had sold my entire inventory. It was strange to have no buyers either. In my area, November and December are traditionally our slowest months in real estate. Ever though, I have written and presented offers on Christmas Eve. This year, it was going to be different. I was tired and grateful to take a break.

Five days into my vacation, I had the most bizarre event take place in my life that has permanently changed my life. I woke up discovering that I couldn’t speak. My voice was gone. When I tried to force a whisper, it caused my lungs to go into long coughing spells. If I laughed, the coughing spells would appear. It sounded and felt like I was coughing up my lungs.

The problem didn’t make it easy for me to go out into public. I wasn’t sick. The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me. They just called it a virus assuring me that I would have to ride it out. Little did I know that it would take me ninety days for my voice to return and my lungs be able to take a deep breath again.

The winter was long and cold. We had little wind and storms in our area. When you live in the tops of mountains, you can easily get an inversion where the cold air is trapped to the floor of the valley. This happens when you have little wind or storms. Even if no one lives in the valley, it can happen. Our inversion spread from Provo, Utah to Pocatello, Idaho and it was thick.

I struggled to go outside and breath the air that winter. Never in my life had my lungs been a problem for me, so why was the winter of 2000 to 2001 different. My health problems trapped me inside a room in my home. I couldn’t be away from the humidifier or air purifiers without my lungs coughing to hard it could cause my bladder to have problems. They weren’t portable. So every morning, I picked a room and stayed there all day breathing fresh, moist air.

In November 2000, I did not have an email address and I don’t think I knew someone who did. Maybe, I did know someone. I just didn’t use them because I was terrified to write. I do know they weren’t as popular then as they are today. Either way, I had to write down my thoughts on a note pad if I wanted something. Remember, I told you earlier that I found writing emotionally painful and it terrified me.

This virus seemed to perfectly design to force me to face my fears. In the process, I discovered something very special regarding me. Those ninety days, I spent trapped in a room with a humidifier and air purifier has forever changed my life. It changed my career and how I view the world in away, I cannot ever go back…

This post is getting a little long. In my next post, I’ll tell you what happened, during those ninety days. My hope is it inspires you find something special about yourself. I’ll see you next time. Below are a couple of the books, I wrote because of this experience.

On our local news the other night, they gave the national and local statistics on depression and suicides. It was disturbing to hear how high the numbers were. The numbers, I assume were based on people receiving help or those who have already committed or attempted suicide. What about the ones who are in denial or sitting on the edge?

It bothered me because I have been at both ends of the spectrum. As a child, I was very depressed and it was comfortable to be there. So what changed and how did I work myself out of this dark place. First, you need to know what caused the depression if you want to come out. For me, it happened at the age of four. My mother died and our father walked out on us. This experience plunged me into deep waters for survival.

Luckily, I was too young to understand how to end my life. My mother had taught me to pray before she left. Each night, I prayed for God to end my life. While other children were praying for a bike or something new. I wanted to stop breathing. The pain was too much for me, and I went deeper into depression every time I woke up.

So what happened? How did I come from such a dark beginning to a bright and wonderful life leaving all scars behind me? I did it without medication so I know exactly what steps I took. For the record, there isn’t a magic bullet. You can take steps to prevent yourself from getting in this state and keeping yourself out. Once, you get help.

I want to share what I did in hopes you find something helpful. The turning point in my life came unexpected and it showed me how scarred I was. I was an adult and my negative thought patterns were deeply entranced in my mind. In my book, How to Rebuild Shattered Dreams, I go into detail on how I got into this depression and how I came out. So here, I’m going to only give a highlight. If you want more information, there is always the book.

If you had asked me about depression years ago, I would’ve answered that I had never felt it. I wasn’t lying. What I’m saying is, I had never felt joy so I did not know the difference. How do you understand light, if you had never seen it?

This is what I discovered and I plan on covering it in the next four-blog articles. The plan is to break it down into small bits so you can see something useful to ingrain into your life. We are in denial not because we want to be. We are there because we do not know better or we’re afraid the truth might be unmanageable.

Before you can help yourself, you need to see where you truly are. This can be very frightening. At least, it was for me. Years ago, we had a son from his birth who always seemed angry. He had a big chip on his shoulder.

After weeks of trying different ideas, my husband, Jack came up an idea of taking our son to a mirror and not letting him leave until he had told himself twenty-five times that he loved Josh. After the first week, our son started to change.

For the next few paragraphs, I’m taking excerpts from my book.

In my amazement, Josh started to change. He became happier. One day, Jack invited me to see Josh repeat his words, I love Josh, twenty-five times. Grinning, Josh passed by as Jack smiled at me. Reaching a hand out to me, he asked, “Can you do it?”

Fear consumed me as I attempted to follow Josh. I said, “Sure, anyone can do that. It’s easy.” Before I could leave the doorway, Jack had a hold of my wrists and yanked me into the room. Leaving me in front of the mirror, he stood in the doorway and said, “You do it.”

As I stared at myself, I became even more afraid. The fear became so strong that I felt like Jack had just shoved me into a cage with a hungry tiger. I felt trapped, fear charging throughout every cell of my body. I looked at Jack with my face as white as a ghost. Not giving him notice, I charged him, expecting him to move.

He didn’t and I was so afraid. Not realizing what I was doing, I stepped on his thigh, attempting to climb over him. Jack grabbed a hold and pulled me down. With his arms wrapped around me, he easily brought me back in front of the mirror and repeated his words.

Seeing myself in the mirror, I fought to get away from his grip. Being only ninety-eight pounds, it was easy for Jack to hold me. He repeated his words and I pleaded with him to let me go. When he said no, I felt the invisible arms join him.

Being so familiar with Him, I pleaded with Him to help me get away from Jack. Instantly, I knew HE was was on Jack’s side as well. Looking at myself, I started to cry from the depths of my soul. By doing it, I saw in mind all the layer of shock that I had endured at the hands of others. For the first time, my soul felt the love from the invisible arms.

After being in Jack’s and my creator’s arms, I couldn’t get the vision of all the layers of scars out of my mind. What were they made from? How would i see them now for the first time? I had so many questions, not realizing what was being opened up to me. Hope was being breathed into my life, my soul, and my heart for the first time. It was a chance to rid myself of the pain I had endured for so many years. It started to consume me.

You have to see and embrace the fact you are depressed before you can change anything and get help. Next time, I want to talk about how to recognize the thought patterns that take you down the path towards depression. If you understand how to get there, you will know how to bring yourself back. Sign up for a update at the site www.Rebuild-Shattered-Dreams.com for the next installment.