Filed under: Getting Published — Tags: book, novel — LaRene @ 8:42 pm

The last time, we talked. I was trapped in a room within my house. My constant campaigns were a humidifier and air purifier. Quickly, my bedroom became boring even though I had a television. I watched movie and read books. In the past, they had been a wonderful way to spend my time. Now, I found myself becoming quickly bored of the constant diet of them. My mind craved for something different. What? What could I do when I couldn’t speak a word or leave my new friends.

In real estate, I was constantly on the go physically and I had to use my mind daily. You are always thinking about how you are going to sell someone’s house or help a buyer find their dream house. With nothing to think about, I was lost. This was a new feeling and it left me frustrated and panicky. What if I never get my voice back?

Years ago, I met a woman who had lost her voice and all she could do was whisper. It was something permanent with her. The thought seemed to torment me. Would I become like her? I needed to think about something else. But what?

It was nice to see my children. I’m a mother of six. They were all adults at this time so I was really left me to myself. My oldest son didn’t live too far from me and he would stop by often on his way home from work to see how I was doing. It surprised him to find me one day in my office with my air purifier and humidifier. It took work to move everything back and worth.

He wondered, what could I possibly being doing in there? I couldn’t use the phone and I had no email address. Quickly, he started to pressure me into divulging my activities. Successfully, I sidestepped them.  I didn’t want to tell him why I was there. It embarrassed me to tell him that I was writing a story. I started to dread him stopping by. I was having fun and I didn’t want my newly created world to be shattered by him telling me that I couldn’t do it.

I would like to take you back to why I decided to move my friends into my office.  After a couple of day in my bedroom, I decided to move into my office, looking for something to keep me from going stir crazy. It was worth the work of moving everything, if I could find something to entertain my mind that would allow me to avoid my thoughts. The woman I talked about earlier had permanently lost her voice and could never speak above a soft whisper. I remember her story was surrounded by a mysterious illness. My situation was so unique it reminded me of her.  It concerned that I would end up like her?

I wanted to do something that would help me not think about her. So I moved into my office finding nothing that I could do without my voice. Shortly after being in my office, an idea came to me. What if I could write a story? Immediately, I went into a panicked state. The thought had triggered my past emotional pain. (If you want to know why I had a fear to write, you can read about it my book, How to Rebuild Shattered Dreams.)

The panicked feeling dissipated when I promised to never allow anyone to read it. Secluded in my office, I felt protected and the story seemed to ward off my negative thoughts. Little did I know that I was about to embark on the most fantastic journey. It was beyond anything I had ever imagined.

I had no clue that I was a creative person and my mind was starved to be one. Since, I had never allowed myself to ever think or do anything with writing. I used to make fun at being a writer. My favorite phrase was, “Why write it when a picture could replace a thousands words.” If it weren’t for this experience, I would’ve never discovered a hidden talent, love and passion for something that I had thought to be unattainable.

One thing, I did years ago before this experience. I took some classes on how the mind worked. We learned that our thoughts are always vibrating and moving. This is why sometime, we can be talking with someone and we both get the same idea or thought at the same time. We both happened to latch onto the same vibration as the thought. So our minds had the same thought.

I wanted to be a receiver of a new thought.  Today, I needed it to be a story. So I asked my mind to connect with a wavelength of one and bring it to me. Being a mediating state, I kept my mind clear, waiting for something to happen. How long I sat there, I do not know. I just sat there until it happened.

“Time Out, I hate time Out.” The words started to flow into my mind and I immediately started to type them into the computer. The story changed my life and I dearly love it. This post is getting long. So I’ll continue the story in part 3. If you want to keep up or start from the beginning of my journey to becoming an author. You can subscribe to my email update; you’ll receive the previous post and the future ones.

Part Three!

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Filed under: books — Tags: book, Stones Quest — LaRene @ 12:20 am

Jasper jumped when he heard feet walking behind him again. Whirling around, he saw the white-haired man had followed him. This time Jasper recognized that he was wearing an I-Force uniform, his cloak flowing with each step.

Stopping in front of the boy, his eyes seemed to sparkle with life as he spoke. “Son, you can’t stay here. It’s too dangerous for you now. They’ll come back for you.”
“Why?”
“Because you have the white Stone that they are looking for.”
“I don’t have a white Stone. I don’t know what you are talking about,” shouted Jasper with all innocence. He had no memory of the white Stone. The man’s voice gave Jasper the courage he needed to run again. His desires were strong to get to the safety of his home.

Entering the grove, he headed for his house. Quickly, he realized something was wrong. The grove of trees was covered in a cloud of dust. Everything looked eerie and unrecognizable. He choked and coughed, picking his way among the trees. Trunks and branches loomed through the grayness. Evil shapes and shadows seemed to taunt him.

Finally, he stopped for a minute to pull the bottom of his shirt up over his mouth to breathe more easily. He stood peering through the dust in search of something that looked familiar, but recognized nothing.

As his tears formed little trails in the dust on his cheeks, despair felt more stifling than the air settling over Jasper. I want to go home, he cried inside.
“TURN TO YOUR RIGHT A LITTLE AND START WALKING. YOU WILL FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR,” soothed the Master Stone in his pocket.

Jasper didn’t question the voice as it kept him quiet and feeling calm again. He headed to where the voice told him to find his home. The voice kept encouraging him every time he felt discouraged. The dust had thinned out, when he reached the stream that ran across the meadow. Jasper knew exactly where he was. He jumped it and excitedly ran towards his home.

Coming out of the dust at his backyard, Jasper stopped stunned. This was his backyard, but the shed and the house were gone! In place of the shed was a smooth patch of dirt, as if the whole thing had simply been picked up. Where his house had been, there was a giant hole.

Jasper walked to the edge of the hole. It was several feet deep. The sides and bottom were smooth except where a stream of water was dripping out on the far side. The water was coming from the underground pipe that ran to the house, and it looked as if it had been sheered off as cleanly as the dirt and shrubs and grass at the edge of the hole.

Jasper just stared at the water as it continued to splash into the hole. Where was his house? Where were his mom and Jamie and Buster? Jasper began running around the yard searching for any sign of his family. Nobody answered his cries. After several frantic minutes, Jasper collapsed on the grass in fear, shock, and fatigue. His mind kept repeating his wonders. Where was his house? His family? His father wouldn’t be home for hours yet. How could he get word to his father? Does he know about this?

A soothing familiar voice interrupted his thoughts. “Son, you have to leave now.”
Jasper faced the same white-haired man walking across the lawn toward him. “Come with me to my ship, and we’ll find your family,” assured the man.
Should he trust this stranger? The man was wearing an I-force uniform.
“JASPER. GO WITH HIM. YOU NEED TO HURRY AND GET OUT OF HERE.” It was the same calming voice that calmed him in the grove of trees. Jasper didn’t move and the voice added, “HE WILL PROTECT YOU AND KEEP YOU SAFE UNTIL I-FORCE CAN BRING YOUR FAMILY BACK. YOU WILL FIND YOUR FAMILY, IF YOU GO WITH HIM.”

Jasper felt peace from the hypnotic voice. Standing, he headed for the man as he left for the meadow. The white-haired man led him back through the meadow, but in a different direction.  Jasper followed the man for some time in peace as they wandered in and out of the different groves of trees. He stayed very close behind him. Eventually, however, Jasper grew tired of the silence.

So he ran up to the man’s side and asked, “Where are we going?”
“My ship,” the man replied with a smile.
“Why aren’t they coming for you?”
“I don’t want them to get shot down like I was.”
“Was that your Star Skipper?”
“Yes.”
“Was anyone else on board?”
“No. I was the only one.”
“Where did all of the other men come from?”
“My, aren’t we brimming with curiosity.” The man paused as if considering something. “The other men were from a Galaxy Creeper,” he finally said.
“Did they take my family?”
“Yes.”

The man started to walk again with Jasper staying beside him. He continued, “I heard people walking around us and they were afraid of I-Force. Why couldn’t they see us?”
“You’re full of questions! And bright, too. How old are you?”
“I’m seven years old. How old are you?”
“Old.”
“You look old.”
The man smiled. “Thank you.”
He repeated, “Why did the KOGN come here and take my family?”
The man knew he couldn’t tell him if he didn’t remember the white Stone. He had already asked him about it and the boy seemed to not remember it. The man expected it and wanted to make sure the Stone was safe, with Jasper forgetting about it. He took the boy all because of the Stone. He saw him pick it up.

Changing subjects, the man asked, “What is your name?”
“Jasper. What’s your name?”
“My name is Dapper.”
He pointed at the insignia on Dapper’s uniform and stated, “You’re a general in I-Force, aren’t you?”
“You are right.”
“Someday I’m going to join I-force and fly one of your spaceships.” Dapper’s lip twitched at that. Jasper repeated, “How come the KOGN soldiers didn’t find us?”

“You’re persistent,” stated Dapper, looking at him. He told him that he had a secret weapon that enabled them to be unseen. Actually, the general had the ability to become invisible for himself only. Knowing the boy had the Stone, he chanced the Stone would help him hide the boy too. It did.
He didn’t want the boy to know that he had mastered the ability. It was a secret that only a few knew about. For the boy’s safety, Dapper didn’t want to tell him the complete truth.

After Dapper told him what he did, Jasper seemed to stop questioning him. They walked on and Jasper seemed to lag behind. So Dapper stopped and asked him if he was hungry or thirsty. Jasper’s head bobbled up and down. Dapper reached into a small compartment on his belt to retrieve something for him.

He pulled out a white substance that Dapper called field food. Jasper quickly took it, but Dapper pulled it back. He saw blood on the boy’s hands. He motioned him over to a tree and they sat. The general put the food back and took out a disposable wet cloth. He wiped Jasper’s hand, seeing it only made the cut bleed more.

Jasper told him that he got it earlier in the day and his mother had put a second skin on it. Somehow, Jasper had torn it off and Dapper guessed it happened when he tried to fight to get away from him.
The general applied medicine and a second skin over it so it would be protected. Then he gave Jasper the field food. Jasper ate while he watched Dapper take the washcloth and rub it between the palms of his hands. When he pulled them apart, it had disappeared. Jasper wanted to know how it happened and Dapper explained the friction changed the washcloth into solid gases and disappeared.

Dapper explained that I-Force never left anything behind so they couldn’t be tracked easily. Jasper asked him questions while he ate. He was surprised that the field food took care of his thirst and hunger.

They got up and Jasper noticed other objects on Dapper’s weapons belt. It started him on a new path of questions.
He asked, “Dapper, in one of my books it says I-Force soldiers carry six knives. I don’t see any knives on your weapons belt.”

The general removed a short four-inch stick that fit nicely in his hand. Suddenly, a knife blade appeared and it was replaced with a new one. Dapper went through all six blades. Jasper didn’t see him touch anything that would cause the blades to appear and disappear. So he asked how he did it.

Dapper explained to him about harmony. In the military especially, a person needed to feel the energy waves of their equipment. Once in harmony, they would ask the equipment to perform.  He told him that he would see it a lot on the ship. Everything the captains did to fly the ship was done that way.

The general was impressed that the boy knew their blaster had military purposes. They could fire a laser blast, project a time, or just light up so they could see in the dark. He was even aware of their field glasses. Dapper showed him how they could activate them to talk with others in the field. They could ask them to show things from a great distance up close. This was called long view. Jasper even knew about the glasses’ abilities to form a black light to show them metallic substances that were hidden. He didn’t know about the glasses’ ability to let someone see perfectly at night, and they protected their eyes from the sun’s rays.

There was another thing Jasper knew about that surprised Dapper. They had a red stone with their equipment that made the knives leave and go. They called it an energy stone and only the military had them.

Dapper felt the signal of his ship getting stronger. He knew they would be there soon. He glanced at Jasper to see the boy wrapping his arms around himself. The general looked over at the sun quickly disappearing behind the hills. He sighed to know that it would be dark soon and they wouldn’t make it to his ship in time.

Looking at Jasper, he told him to come in close and he would share his cloak. The boy clung to it, relieved to get some warmth. When the last golden rays of light slipped behind the horizon, Dapper said, “Stay very close to me, Jasper; I can’t give you a light. There are spies out and about, and I don’t know if they are KOGN or I-Force’s.”

Jasper cuddled in closer to Dapper after his words. He was afraid of spies. Johnny and he had made up some great story about spies in their games and adventures. With cloud cover, a storm seemed to be coming in. It was going to be a cold night and with the two moons being hidden, it was going to be dark.

Dapper went slower than he wanted. It was very important that he got this boy back to the ship, since he was carrying the white Stone. The general wondered how long it would take for the boy to remember the Stone. He knew he couldn’t touch it. The Stone would come to him when it was ready.

Suddenly, they reached a small clearing. Dapper stopped abruptly and acted nervous. Jasper couldn’t hear anything but…a soft humming sound. He sharply looked up at Dapper when he started to hum softly in a different tone. It almost sounded musical to him. The general surprised him by pulling him in and wrapped his cloak completely around him. Jasper was about to ask what they were doing, when he removed his cloak. The boy immediately grabbed a hold of it and wrapped it around as best he could. He wanted back the warmth from being underneath Dapper’s cloak.

He could hear people walking, but he couldn’t see anyone. Dapper hummed in a musical tone and it was returned. With the sounds coming closer, Jasper was scared. He moved closer to Dapper and asked, “Are they spies?”

He didn’t answer but he put his hand over the boy’s mouth. The cloak went around him and he stopped breathing to hear footsteps. They became louder with each minute. Jasper wondered what it would feel like to be shot with a blaster. He could feel Dapper reaching for his.
Suddenly, the humming started again and it sounded like it was right next to them. Dapper let go of Jasper and said, “I’m here.”

Jasper peered up at a group of men surrounding them. One of the moons started to rise from the clouds, allowing him to see something. One of the men moved his hands quickly and Dapper responded to him the same way.

Dapper looked down at the boy and whispered, “Stay with me. We need to hurry. There are spies in the area.”
Jasper nodded as he looked at the rising moon.

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Filed under: books — Tags: book, Internet, novels, Stones Quest — LaRene @ 10:38 pm

People have been talking about placing novels on the Internet. What do you think about it? Here is the beginning of a copyrighted and published novel for young adults ages 10-17. Read the first couple of pages and you tell me if you would rather read it on the Internet or in print form. I would like your comments. It starts:

The Journey Begins

“Timeout!” Jasper threw himself onto his bed. “I hate timeout!” He shouted while burying his head in his pillow. “I’m always the one who gets timeout! Buster never gets sent to his room. I think Mom likes him better than me. I’m seven years old. I’m not as young as he always treats me!” The pillow muffled his yells so he wouldn’t get in more trouble, but he quickly found it hard to breathe. Rolling over, he looked around his room. The fleet of models that decorated his room looked crisp and invincible, but they didn’t seem to care about his plight.

Reaching out, he pulled one of his favorite models off the shelf. It was a miniature Star Screamer that his father had given him only a few weeks ago. He had been really excited because it was a bigger model than the ones he had seen in the commercial center in town. It was about ten inches long with more details than his previous ones. It was surprisingly lightweight for its size, and if you touched a spot on the underbelly of the ship, the main bay doors would snap open. It had come with a small transport that could fit in the main bay, but it wasn’t in there now. Buster probably stole it, he thought to himself.

Right now, nothing would have made Jasper feel better than to see Buster grounded to his room for a week. Jasper ran his fingers over the sleek silver ship and swooshed it over his head a few times, wondering what it would take to have a different life than the one he had. Where they lived made it hard to have friends, and his best friend, Johnny, had moved away yesterday. Now he only had his brother and sister to play with, and there was no way he wanted to play with his brother. He and Buster didn’t always see things the same way.

“Now I won’t have any friends at all,” Jasper whispered to himself.
Today he was really feeling the pain of his loss. When his parents had moved out to the countryside, the idea of having lots of trees and grass seemed exciting. The only other family that lived within walking distance was Johnny’s. They had a small farm about a mile away. Jasper had met Johnny on the first morning he had walked out to the transport to go to school. Johnny had smiled at him with a face full of freckles, and the two boys became instant friends.

Living away from the city had seemed an adventure with Johnny. The two of them had their own secret world away from the other kids at school. Now he felt alone.

I wish Johnny’s father didn’t get a job transfer to the other planet. I’m going to miss him, he thought while he put the model back on the shelf. Johnny told him they would be moving closer to a military base. “He’ll be seeing the real thing. Star Screamers and Galaxy Creepers,” whispered Jasper.

Going back to his bed, he stared at the ceiling. Jasper threw his arm up over his eyes, trying not to cry. I miss my friend. I’ll never find anyone like Johnny, thought Jasper as a few tears escaped the corners of his eyes.

Suddenly he heard a strange voice whisper in his ear, “JASPER, I NEED YOU.”
Jasper sat up with a start, expecting to see someone in the room. There was no one. I must have imagined it, he thought, as he wiped his last tear with his sleeve. Dismissing the voice, Jasper allowed himself to fall onto his pillow.

When he put his arms over his eyes, he heard, “JASPER, I NEED YOU! HURRY! COME TO ME.”
This time Jasper jumped from his bed and called out. “Who are you?”
“A FRIEND,” the voice answered hypnotically. “I NEED YOU. I’M IN TROUBLE.”
“Where are you?” asked Jasper.
“I’M OUTSIDE. COME TO ME NOW. HURRY.”

Jasper ran to the window and plopped knee-first on the cushions and small pillows that were in the window seat. As he did, he felt his knee hit something hard. Jasper reached down and moved the pillows. He found his galactic atlas. He had left it there after giving up on his homework about the history of the Ellisarius Galaxy. Jasper picked up the book and tossed it to the floor. Rubbing his knee, he looked back out the window, searching for something.

It all seemed the same. They had a backyard with the meadow right behind it. He saw no one outside, so where did the voice come from? He surveyed the grove of trees that were behind the meadow and they stretched off into the distance.

The grove was the place Johnny and he had spent hours making up adventures about alien planets, moons and galaxies. Jasper was very familiar with the meadow and the grove, being it was their secret place to play. To see them, Jasper’s heart ached, and his anger flared in retaliation. He hated the meadow now. Clenching his fist, he thought, Why should I get timeout for being angry, anyway? No one cares that Johnny is gone.

Jasper was about to leave but decided to search the whole area behind his house again. Standing, he felt confused and embarrassed.  I’m hearing voices, he surmised. Jasper stepped back to leave when something caught his eye. Quickly, he leaped onto the pillows and pressed his nose up against the window.

Out of the sky came a flying object with fire and smoke shooting out the back. Jasper watched it plunge across his view, eclipsing the planet Suzair’s two moons. He gasped as he realized that the strange fireball was going to crash into or behind his grove of trees.

He held his breath as the burning object disappeared behind the grove. Plumes of dust and dirt from the impact rose high into the air. It had definitely been a ship. Jasper waited to see if the trees caught on fire. It was then he heard the voice again.

“JASPER, HURRY TO THE TREES. THEY ARE COMING! I NEED YOU NOW.”

Jasper was frozen, mesmerized by the scene. “JASPER!” Suddenly, the voice became his world. He felt consumed by peace and reassurance, and he knew that he had to move immediately.
He ran to his door, leaving the room. Swiftly, he moved down the stairs to the main floor and bolted for the back door, not giving a second thought to the fact that his mother, in the kitchen, would surely see him. At that moment, he didn’t care. Everything around him seemed to be blocked from his mind.

As luck would have it, he shot past her just as she opened up the door to the refrigerated pantry. As she dug around for something cold to drink for lunch, she happened to move a container that made a loud scraping sound. She never even heard her youngest son run through the kitchen and out the back door.
Outside the house, he knew instinctively where he was going and what he had to do. Keeping his eyes fixed on the smoke that was swirling behind the trees up into the sky, he entered the meadow.

Buster exited the shed in time to see Jasper cross the backyard. He seemed a little surprised to see his brother but said nothing. Buster figured Jasper had sweet-talked his mother into ending the timeout early. It never occurred to Buster that Jasper was outside without permission.

Now Jasper was out in the meadow. He searched for rocks and the stream that ran through the meadow. Jasper found the flow of water meandering in its shallow bed and stopped. He tried to slow his ragged breathing as he searched for his favorite place to leap across the water. The stream was not very wide at this place, but it was deceptively deep. He made the jump and was caught by a blinding white light. The glow totally surrounded and blocked his view.

“JASPER!” came the voice again. He heard, “THERE IS A WHITE STONE AT YOUR FEET. DO NOT STEP ON IT, BUT PICK IT UP. IT WILL PROTECT YOU FROM OUR ENEMIES.”

The light dissipated and he blinked a couple of times as a white Stone came into view. Without thought, he picked it up and slipped it into his pocket. Then he heard the voice urge him forward towards the grove of trees. For some reason, he felt that he would be safe there. Danger was starting to fill his heart.

With no memory of the white Stone, Jasper ran into the grove of trees. There, he stopped to catch his breath. Finding himself tired, Jasper leaned against a nearby tree, listening to his beloved grove of trees.
There’s something different, thought Jasper as his breathing became regular.

In the past, the trees housed a numerous amount of birds that at times seemed too noisy. Today there was total silence. It was so quiet he could almost hear his heart beating.

After a few deep breaths, he felt drawn to the crash site. He wanted to see for himself a spaceship. Leaving the tree, Jasper heard a twig snap behind him. Whirling around, he found himself alone. Slowly, he resumed walking. Again, he heard leaves crunching underneath someone’s feet behind him. Before he whirled around to see what caused the noise, Jasper felt a hand around his mouth. Then he felt someone’s body against his as he was jerked quickly over to a nearby tree.

Before he could comprehend what was happening to him, a cloak covered him. He felt someone’s body against his, pressing him against the tree trunk.

Here you go. This is about as much as you get into a blog page. Would you like to wait for the a next installment or would you prefer to just purchase the book. Click on the survery at the top of page. From you answers, I will continue or not having daily five pages. That is about what you can get on a blog page. Or you can purchase the book called, Stones’ Quest: In Search of its Master, here at this link for $19.95 + shipping. Also, you can leave me a comment.

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Filed under: shattered dreams — Tags: author, book, breast cancer, rebuild shattered dreams — LaRene @ 9:28 pm

You are probably wondering why one website would feature Confessions of an Aspiring Author, and a Healing Coach. Let me break them down and explain. The main reason is this is who I am.  The title Rebuild Shattered Dreams is a book that I wrote about my journey of being abandoned at the age of four. What amazing lessons on life, I learned.

I learned how to stop sabotaging myself and build the kind of life, I desire. Even when life throws you a curve, I found what I learned from my past very valuable. On November 10, 2008, I was diagnosed with grade three – Invasive Ductal Carcinoma or in other word – Breast Cancer. You are always shocked but it took me only five minutes to bring my life back into focus and feel okay about my challenge. I was back in control again.

In this book, I wrote about my experiences as a lost soul, abandoned and unwanted at the age of four. In my life, I learned the principles that bring you peace and protected from pain, fear, anger, guilt or frustration. With my emotional scars removed, I was free to decided how I was going to handle my Breast Cancer. No old programing interfered with my choices. I was free to choose peace and love. Every second of my life is filled with it. My invisible prisons are gone and they did not return with the news of cancer.

Breast Cancer is a new twist in my life. It doesn’t need to a negative one. I’m looking forward to see where it is going to take my family and I. There is always a silver lining in any situation. I’m deeply grateful to know exactly how to open it. I am truly in control of my life and it feel great even though I have a foreign substance inside of me, trying to kill me.

I’m so grateful that I have learned how to remove my emotional scars and change my Core Beliefs. Our family is very fearful of cancer but I am not. I embrace it and I feel a deep peace. Those around me feel it too. You radiate out your feeling and thoughts and others feel it. If you want to join me on this adventure, you can go to My Journal at the top of the website to read more.

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Filed under: Personal Development, spiritual — Tags: blog, book, depression, life, Love, national, news, statistics, suicide — LaRene @ 11:00 pm

On our local news the other night, they gave the national and local statistics on depression and suicides. It was disturbing to hear how high the numbers were. The numbers, I assume were based on people receiving help or those who have already committed or attempted suicide. What about the ones who are in denial or sitting on the edge?

It bothered me because I have been at both ends of the spectrum. As a child, I was very depressed and it was comfortable to be there. So what changed and how did I work myself out of this dark place. First, you need to know what caused the depression if you want to come out. For me, it happened at the age of four. My mother died and our father walked out on us. This experience plunged me into deep waters for survival.

Luckily, I was too young to understand how to end my life. My mother had taught me to pray before she left. Each night, I prayed for God to end my life. While other children were praying for a bike or something new. I wanted to stop breathing. The pain was too much for me, and I went deeper into depression every time I woke up.

So what happened? How did I come from such a dark beginning to a bright and wonderful life leaving all scars behind me? I did it without medication so I know exactly what steps I took. For the record, there isn’t a magic bullet. You can take steps to prevent yourself from getting in this state and keeping yourself out. Once, you get help.

I want to share what I did in hopes you find something helpful. The turning point in my life came unexpected and it showed me how scarred I was. I was an adult and my negative thought patterns were deeply entranced in my mind. In my book, How to Rebuild Shattered Dreams, I go into detail on how I got into this depression and how I came out. So here, I’m going to only give a highlight. If you want more information, there is always the book.

If you had asked me about depression years ago, I would’ve answered that I had never felt it. I wasn’t lying. What I’m saying is, I had never felt joy so I did not know the difference. How do you understand light, if you had never seen it?

This is what I discovered and I plan on covering it in the next four-blog articles. The plan is to break it down into small bits so you can see something useful to ingrain into your life. We are in denial not because we want to be. We are there because we do not know better or we’re afraid the truth might be unmanageable.

Before you can help yourself, you need to see where you truly are. This can be very frightening. At least, it was for me. Years ago, we had a son from his birth who always seemed angry. He had a big chip on his shoulder.

After weeks of trying different ideas, my husband, Jack came up an idea of taking our son to a mirror and not letting him leave until he had told himself twenty-five times that he loved Josh. After the first week, our son started to change.

For the next few paragraphs, I’m taking excerpts from my book.

In my amazement, Josh started to change. He became happier. One day, Jack invited me to see Josh repeat his words, I love Josh, twenty-five times. Grinning, Josh passed by as Jack smiled at me. Reaching a hand out to me, he asked, “Can you do it?”

Fear consumed me as I attempted to follow Josh. I said, “Sure, anyone can do that. It’s easy.” Before I could leave the doorway, Jack had a hold of my wrists and yanked me into the room. Leaving me in front of the mirror, he stood in the doorway and said, “You do it.”

As I stared at myself, I became even more afraid. The fear became so strong that I felt like Jack had just shoved me into a cage with a hungry tiger. I felt trapped, fear charging throughout every cell of my body. I looked at Jack with my face as white as a ghost. Not giving him notice, I charged him, expecting him to move.

He didn’t and I was so afraid. Not realizing what I was doing, I stepped on his thigh, attempting to climb over him. Jack grabbed a hold and pulled me down. With his arms wrapped around me, he easily brought me back in front of the mirror and repeated his words.

Seeing myself in the mirror, I fought to get away from his grip. Being only ninety-eight pounds, it was easy for Jack to hold me. He repeated his words and I pleaded with him to let me go. When he said no, I felt the invisible arms join him.

Being so familiar with Him, I pleaded with Him to help me get away from Jack. Instantly, I knew HE was was on Jack’s side as well. Looking at myself, I started to cry from the depths of my soul. By doing it, I saw in mind all the layer of shock that I had endured at the hands of others. For the first time, my soul felt the love from the invisible arms.

After being in Jack’s and my creator’s arms, I couldn’t get the vision of all the layers of scars out of my mind. What were they made from? How would i see them now for the first time? I had so many questions, not realizing what was being opened up to me. Hope was being breathed into my life, my soul, and my heart for the first time. It was a chance to rid myself of the pain I had endured for so many years. It started to consume me.

You have to see and embrace the fact you are depressed before you can change anything and get help. Next time, I want to talk about how to recognize the thought patterns that take you down the path towards depression. If you understand how to get there, you will know how to bring yourself back. Sign up for a update at the site www.Rebuild-Shattered-Dreams.com for the next installment.

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Filed under: Getting Published, Personal Development, success — Tags: blog, book, broker, dreams, Journel, life, novel, real estate, talent, writing — LaRene @ 5:08 am

People are starting to know me as a novelist. I’m surprised to learn how many people want or are trying to become an author of books. It surprises me because it wasn’t my goal to be an author. Before I wrote my first novel, I never ever thought about writing. Instead, I went to great lengths to avoid it.

From what I hear from other authors, I think my story is unique. Most people, I’ve spoken too thought about writing their story a lot. They planned out what they were going to write, the genre, and the outline of how the story unfolded. For me, my story is different. I accidentally discovered a story that was inside of me. Then I couldn’t’ stop it from coming out.

I’ve found people fascinated with this story on how I became an author, So I decided to write about it on my blog, rebuild shattered dreams. Maybe it might inspire someone to discover a hidden talent that they might have been buried deep inside, like me. Sometime, we have no idea what we can do until we have no choice but to walk through our fears and do it. This is what happened to me. I’m so grateful for the experience. It showed a side of me that I didn’t know existed.

Before I tell you my story, I need to point out one more thing. This is important to know. I found writing anything to be emotionally painful. In my book, “How to Rebuild Shattered Dreams,” I go into detail about why a simple note terrified me. Today, I’m going to tell something that I didn’t put in the book. How I was forced to face my fear of writing.

For five years of my life, I had been a real estate agent and enjoyed it. Finally at the end of my fourth year, I decided to get my real estate brokers license. After, I received it. I made the choice to go out on my own. For me, it was the smartest thing, I ever did. What happened next made it possible for me to deal with the changes that were about to take place in my life.

It was November 2000 and for the first time in my career, I had sold my entire inventory. It was strange to have no buyers either. In my area, November and December are traditionally our slowest months in real estate. Ever though, I have written and presented offers on Christmas Eve. This year, it was going to be different. I was tired and grateful to take a break.

Five days into my vacation, I had the most bizarre event take place in my life that has permanently changed my life. I woke up discovering that I couldn’t speak. My voice was gone. When I tried to force a whisper, it caused my lungs to go into long coughing spells. If I laughed, the coughing spells would appear. It sounded and felt like I was coughing up my lungs.

The problem didn’t make it easy for me to go out into public. I wasn’t sick. The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me. They just called it a virus assuring me that I would have to ride it out. Little did I know that it would take me ninety days for my voice to return and my lungs be able to take a deep breath again.

The winter was long and cold. We had little wind and storms in our area. When you live in the tops of mountains, you can easily get an inversion where the cold air is trapped to the floor of the valley. This happens when you have little wind or storms. Even if no one lives in the valley, it can happen. Our inversion spread from Provo, Utah to Pocatello, Idaho and it was thick.

I struggled to go outside and breath the air that winter. Never in my life had my lungs been a problem for me, so why was the winter of 2000 to 2001 different. My health problems trapped me inside a room in my home. I couldn’t be away from the humidifier or air purifiers without my lungs coughing to hard it could cause my bladder to have problems. They weren’t portable. So every morning, I picked a room and stayed there all day breathing fresh, moist air.

In November 2000, I did not have an email address and I don’t think I knew someone who did. Maybe, I did know someone. I just didn’t use them because I was terrified to write. I do know they weren’t as popular then as they are today. Either way, I had to write down my thoughts on a note pad if I wanted something. Remember, I told you earlier that I found writing emotionally painful and it terrified me.

This virus seemed to perfectly design to force me to face my fears. In the process, I discovered something very special regarding me. Those ninety days, I spent trapped in a room with a humidifier and air purifier has forever changed my life. It changed my career and how I view the world in away, I cannot ever go back…

This post is getting a little long. In my next post, I’ll tell you what happened, during those ninety days. My hope is it inspires you find something special about yourself. I’ll see you next time. Below are a couple of the books, I wrote because of this experience.

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